Friendly Chatting

General Chatting => Jokes and Funny Stuff => Topic started by: Jane on February 20, 2022, 01:07:43 PM

Title: Terrible jokes…
Post by: Jane on February 20, 2022, 01:07:43 PM
For all those jokes that are just AWFUL..here is the place to post them  @Skyon Archer,    :lmao: instead of in poor @spice shoutbox..    :lmao:
Title: Re: Terrible jokes…
Post by: Jane on February 20, 2022, 01:35:13 PM
(https://imgzb.com/images/2022/02/20/HWn80.md.jpg) (https://imgzb.com/image/HkLjj)
Title: Re: Terrible jokes…
Post by: Skyon Archer on February 20, 2022, 02:55:24 PM
Okay, here you go . . . .

What’s the best way to carve wood? Whittle by whittle.

How do you organize an astronomer’s party? You planet.

I want a job cleaning mirrors. It’s something I can really see myself doing.

I’m only familiar with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know why.

. . . next?
Title: Re: Terrible jokes…
Post by: spice on February 20, 2022, 04:00:11 PM
 :lmao:
Title: Re: Terrible jokes…
Post by: Jane on February 21, 2022, 10:39:24 AM
(https://imgzb.com/images/2022/02/21/HX5Rj.jpg) (https://imgzb.com/image/HkpDI)
Title: Re: Terrible jokes…
Post by: Skyon Archer on February 22, 2022, 08:04:00 AM
What did the the drummer call his twin daughters?
Anna one, Anna two!

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer.
I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!

Does anyone need an ark?
I Noah guy!

How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.

I bought a ceiling fan the other day.
Complete waste of money. He just stands there applauding and saying “Ooh, I love how smooth it is.”
Title: Re: Terrible jokes…
Post by: Jane on February 22, 2022, 12:34:25 PM
 :lmao:

(https://imgzb.com/images/2022/02/22/HXYRy.md.jpg) (https://imgzb.com/image/HWjDr)
Title: Re: Terrible jokes…
Post by: Skyon Archer on February 23, 2022, 06:51:50 PM
That was pretty terrible!

. . .  but this one is better:

(https://i.imgur.com/BThF9vV.jpeg) (https://i.imgur.com/BThF9vV.jpeg)
Title: Re: Terrible jokes…
Post by: Jane on February 23, 2022, 06:54:44 PM
omg!   :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
Title: Re: Terrible jokes…
Post by: Jane on February 23, 2022, 06:59:54 PM
(https://imgzb.com/images/2022/02/23/HgqXv.md.jpg) (https://imgzb.com/image/HWuOF)
Title: Re: Terrible jokes…
Post by: Jane on February 24, 2022, 10:57:03 AM
(https://imgzb.com/images/2022/02/24/HgoxB.md.jpg) (https://imgzb.com/image/HWCdN)
Title: Re: Terrible jokes…
Post by: Steve on February 26, 2022, 08:44:50 PM
I love these! Especially the drug dealer one!  :lmao:
Title: Re: Terrible jokes…
Post by: Jane on March 11, 2022, 08:33:12 AM
What do you call a hen who can count her own eggs?

A mathemachicken…
Title: Re: Terrible jokes…
Post by: spice on March 11, 2022, 04:12:27 PM
What happens when you witness a ship wreck? You let it sink in.
Title: Re: Terrible jokes…
Post by: Skyon Archer on March 11, 2022, 05:08:27 PM
My fondest childhood memory was building sandcastles with my grandfather, that is until my mom took the urn away from me . . . .
Title: Re: Terrible jokes…
Post by: Jane on March 11, 2022, 05:29:30 PM
omg..   :lmao:
Title: Re: Terrible jokes…
Post by: Jane on March 11, 2022, 05:32:04 PM
Top tip: If your wife says: “what would you most like to do to my body?”, “identify it” is the wrong answer.
Title: Re: Terrible jokes…
Post by: Skyon Archer on March 11, 2022, 05:41:03 PM
Top tip: If your wife says: “what would you most like to do to my body?”, “identify it” is the wrong answer.

Truth!

. . . . .

What’s the difference between a hamster and a cigarette?

They’re both harmless until you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.
Title: Re: Terrible jokes…
Post by: Jane on March 11, 2022, 05:56:47 PM
:laugh:

The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.
Title: Re: Terrible jokes…
Post by: Skyon Archer on March 11, 2022, 05:58:06 PM
GRRRR . . . okay then, how about this one . . . .

Quote
How many children does it take to shingle a roof?
Quote
Depends on how thinly you slice them

 8)
Title: Re: Terrible jokes…
Post by: Jane on March 11, 2022, 06:06:38 PM
:laugh:  good one

I was digging a hole in the garden when I found some gold coins.
I was about to run and tell my wife, when I remembered why I was digging a hole in the garden…
 
Title: Re: Terrible jokes…
Post by: Jane on March 12, 2022, 08:35:13 AM
I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday.
He later told me it was the most violent book he’d ever read.
Title: Re: Terrible jokes…
Post by: spice on March 12, 2022, 06:08:39 PM
I'm really excited for the next autopsy club. It's open Mike night!
Title: Re: Terrible jokes…
Post by: Jane on March 13, 2022, 09:45:09 AM
 :lmao:

Son: Dad, if I told you I was gay, would you still love me?
Dad: Don’t be silly son, you were an accident. I never loved you in the first place.
Title: Re: Terrible jokes…
Post by: Steve on March 14, 2022, 12:44:54 PM
Little known fact:

Before crowbars were invented, Crows just drank at home.
Title: Re: Terrible jokes…
Post by: spice on March 14, 2022, 06:03:55 PM
 :lmao:

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
Title: Re: Terrible jokes…
Post by: Jane on March 15, 2022, 02:33:53 PM
Groan!  :lmao:

Every time my grandmother and I were at a wedding she’d say: “you’re next”. So I started saying the same thing to her at funerals.
Title: Re: Terrible jokes…
Post by: spice on March 15, 2022, 03:41:36 PM
 :lmao:

Why are there fences around cemeteries? Everyone’s always dying to get in.
Title: Re: Terrible jokes…
Post by: Pete on March 15, 2022, 09:16:17 PM
They say that during sex you burn off as many calories as running eight miles. Who the hell runs eight miles in 30 seconds?
Title: Re: Terrible jokes…
Post by: Pete on March 15, 2022, 09:22:56 PM
What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo?

One is really heavy and the other’s a little lighter.
Title: Re: Terrible jokes…
Post by: Jane on March 16, 2022, 12:09:54 PM
 :lmao:

I’ll never forget my dad’s last words. “Erase my search history, son.”
Title: Re: Terrible jokes…
Post by: Jane on March 18, 2022, 10:07:25 AM
Don’t challenge Death to a pillow fight.
Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushions.
Title: Re: Terrible jokes…
Post by: spice on March 18, 2022, 03:49:06 PM
 :lmao:

Q: What do you call a bear without ears?

A: B


I wonder how many will get it? :lmao:
Title: Re: Terrible jokes…
Post by: Pinky on March 19, 2022, 10:06:25 AM
 :bash:
Title: Re: Terrible jokes…
Post by: Jane on March 20, 2022, 09:54:52 AM
:laugh:


Man: “Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?”
Doctor: “To the morgue.”
Man: “What? But I’m not dead yet!”
Doctor: “And we’re not there yet.”
Title: Re: Terrible jokes…
Post by: Steve on March 20, 2022, 06:12:10 PM
 :P

Someone ripped out the 5th month of my calendar. I've been dismayed ever since.
Title: Re: Terrible jokes…
Post by: Pete on March 20, 2022, 09:00:05 PM
Just been told I'm bi-polar.... dunno whether to laugh or cry
Title: Re: Terrible jokes…
Post by: Jane on March 21, 2022, 11:08:01 AM
 :lmao:

I thought opening a door for a lady was good manners, but she just screamed and flew out of the plane.
Title: Re: Terrible jokes…
Post by: spice on March 21, 2022, 03:12:26 PM
 :lmao: :lmao:

I once met a pig that did karate. We called him Pork Chop.
Title: Re: Terrible jokes…
Post by: Jane on March 21, 2022, 03:42:59 PM
Groan!  :lmao:
Title: Re: Terrible jokes…
Post by: Jane on March 21, 2022, 03:44:23 PM
Wife: I’m pregnant.
Husband: Hi pregnant, I’m dad.
Wife: No, you’re not.
 
Title: Re: Terrible jokes…
Post by: Steve on March 21, 2022, 06:43:42 PM
Wife: I’m pregnant.
Husband: Hi pregnant, I’m dad.
Wife: No, you’re not.

Yikes!
Title: Re: Terrible jokes…
Post by: spice on March 23, 2022, 04:31:34 PM
 :lmao:

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer.
I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
Title: Re: Terrible jokes…
Post by: Jane on March 31, 2022, 01:37:04 PM
 :lmao:

I tried to warn my son about playing Russian roulette. It went in one ear and out the other.
Title: Re: Terrible jokes…
Post by: Jane on April 01, 2022, 04:01:18 PM
A man looks at his wife of 25 years and says, “Honey, 25 years ago we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV... but I got to sleep with a hot 25 year old blonde every night.”

"Now, we have a $300,000.00 house, a $50,000.00 car, a nice big bed and plasma screen TV... But I’m sleeping with a 50-year-old woman. It seems to me that you’re not holding up your side of things."

The wife being a reasonable woman said "Go out and find a hot 25 year-old blonde and I'll make sure that you, once again will be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.”
Title: Re: Terrible jokes…
Post by: Pete on April 01, 2022, 05:04:37 PM
A slice of pie costs £1.50 in Jamaica and £2.00 in the Bahamas. Those are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
Title: Re: Terrible jokes…
Post by: Jane on April 02, 2022, 09:25:10 AM
 :lmao:
Title: Re: Terrible jokes…
Post by: Jane on April 02, 2022, 09:28:14 AM
Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn’t last long for fat people.
Title: Re: Terrible jokes…
Post by: spice on April 02, 2022, 02:20:49 PM
 :lmao: :lmao:

 What did the elephant say when he stopped in the middle of telling a story? Never mind, I realize this is irrelephant.
Title: Re: Terrible jokes…
Post by: Jane on April 02, 2022, 03:45:32 PM
groan!  :lmao:

How do you know you’re ugly?
If you always get handed the camera for group photos.
Title: Re: Terrible jokes…
Post by: Steve on April 04, 2022, 01:47:43 PM
A guy took his girlfriend to prom. He waited in the ticket line for a really long time but got the tickets.

He went to rent a limo and waited at the rental line for very long, but he eventually rented it.

He went to buy flowers for his date and the line at the florist was really long, but finally, he got the flowers.

At prom, she asked him to go get some punch.

He went to the refreshment table, and there was no punchline.
Title: Re: Terrible jokes…
Post by: spice on April 04, 2022, 03:54:14 PM
Well they are supposed to be terrible jokes  :lmao:
Title: Re: Terrible jokes…
Post by: Pete on April 12, 2022, 03:36:19 PM
There are three types of people in the world:
Those who can count and those who can’t.
Title: Re: Terrible jokes…
Post by: spice on May 03, 2022, 01:14:54 PM
 :lmao:
Title: Re: Terrible jokes…
Post by: Jane on May 03, 2022, 01:25:07 PM
Did you hear about that new restaurant on the moon?
The food was fantastic but there was no atmosphere.
Title: Re: Terrible jokes…
Post by: Pete on May 20, 2022, 09:47:31 AM
How do you get a duck to sing

Put it in the microwave and it's Bill Withers
Title: Re: Terrible jokes…
Post by: Jane on May 20, 2022, 06:12:59 PM
groan!   :lmao:
Title: Re: Terrible jokes…
Post by: Pete on May 21, 2022, 08:57:31 AM
People in Addis Ababa don't understand the Flintstones but those in Abu Dhabi do
Title: Re: Terrible jokes…
Post by: Jane on May 21, 2022, 11:15:05 AM
:laugh:

What do you call a fly without wings? A walk!
Title: Re: Terrible jokes…
Post by: spice on May 21, 2022, 02:19:49 PM
 :lmao: :lmao:
Title: Re: Terrible jokes…
Post by: Jane on May 22, 2022, 04:28:20 PM
What do you call a pony with a sore throat? A little hoarse.
Title: Re: Terrible jokes…
Post by: spice on May 22, 2022, 04:55:54 PM
 :lmao:
As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe my budding career as a tour guide was not the right choice
Title: Re: Terrible jokes…
Post by: Pete on May 23, 2022, 09:43:08 PM
A friend of mine went bald years ago, but still carries around an old comb. He just can't part with it.
Title: Re: Terrible jokes…
Post by: Jane on May 24, 2022, 09:41:16 AM
 :lmao:
Title: Re: Terrible jokes…
Post by: spice on May 24, 2022, 01:27:09 PM
 :lmao:
Title: Re: Terrible jokes…
Post by: Steve on May 27, 2022, 05:23:46 PM
People in Addis Ababa don't understand the Flintstones but those in Abu Dhabi do

(https://i.imgur.com/9FcxOD9.gif)


What’s the No. 1 cause of divorce? Marriage!
Title: Re: Terrible jokes…
Post by: Pete on June 15, 2022, 06:18:10 PM
There are three types of people in the world:

Those who can count and those who can’t.
Title: Re: Terrible jokes…
Post by: Steve on June 15, 2022, 07:04:57 PM
You have to hand it to short people ...


... they can't reach it anyway.  :P
Title: Re: Terrible jokes…
Post by: Jane on June 15, 2022, 07:38:44 PM
groan!  :laugh:
Title: Re: Terrible jokes…
Post by: spice on June 16, 2022, 04:22:26 PM
What did the zebra say the first time he saw a piano?
“Dad?”
Title: Re: Terrible jokes…
Post by: Steve on June 17, 2022, 03:20:51 PM
 :lmao:

I crashed into the back of a car at the lights today. A really short guy got out of it and said, “I’m not happy.”

I said, “Well which one are you then?”
Title: Re: Terrible jokes…
Post by: spice on June 18, 2022, 02:24:55 PM
 :lmao:

I just heard Stevie wonder is a Terrible father...
He never sees his kids
Title: Re: Terrible jokes…
Post by: Steve on June 19, 2022, 02:33:21 PM
I feel bad for laughing but that's funny!


What’s the easiest way to make a glow worm happy? Cut off its tail—it’ll be delighted!
Title: Re: Terrible jokes…
Post by: spice on June 21, 2022, 04:50:41 PM
 :lmao:

How is virginity like a soap bubble?

One prick and it is gone forever.
Title: Re: Terrible jokes…
Post by: Steve on June 23, 2022, 04:11:10 PM
 :lmao:

I bought a ceiling fan the other day.

Complete waste of money. He just stands there applauding and saying “Ooh, I love how smooth it is.”
Title: Re: Terrible jokes…
Post by: spice on June 24, 2022, 01:45:49 PM
 :lmao:

 A man died after drinking varnish. It was a terrible end, but a beautiful finish.
Title: Re: Terrible jokes…
Post by: Steve on June 24, 2022, 02:39:04 PM
(https://i.imgur.com/FfiWcus.gif)
Title: Re: Terrible jokes…
Post by: spice on June 25, 2022, 02:29:46 PM
Bad car accident
I was in a really horrid car accident last week. The police have been examining the skid-marks to investigate exactly what happened.

So far, they have figured out that the other driver was more scared than I.
Title: Re: Terrible jokes…
Post by: Pete on June 26, 2022, 06:12:36 PM
A man goes to the doctors for a check-up. The doctor says, "You need to stop masturbating!"

"Why?" asks the man.

The doctor replies, "Because I am trying to examine you!"
Title: Re: Terrible jokes…
Post by: spice on June 27, 2022, 01:17:15 PM
 :lmao:
Title: Re: Terrible jokes…
Post by: Steve on June 27, 2022, 09:28:22 PM
 :lmao:
Title: Re: Terrible jokes…
Post by: Jane on June 28, 2022, 01:06:10 PM
:laugh:

I got fired from my job at the bank today. An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
Title: Re: Terrible jokes…
Post by: Skyon Archer on June 28, 2022, 03:25:59 PM
 :groan:
Title: Re: Terrible jokes…
Post by: spice on June 28, 2022, 03:47:21 PM
I called the ISPCA today and said, "I've just found a suitcase in the woods containing a fox and four cubs."

"That's terrible," the woman on the phone replied. "Are they moving?"

"I'm not sure, to be honest," I said, "But that would explain the suitcase."